I move forward and backward in time... I can feel my heart pulsating through my body, a mixture of heaviness and lightness in my limbs, a feeling as though - at any moment - gravity might disappear and I'll begin to float, suspended weightless mass that is caving in on itself. My breathing shallow, my head in a sort of daze, I struggle to think words, and yet I contemplate things far more complex than I otherwise could. In this state, the outside world both exists and doesn't. I feel as though on the outside looking in, seeing our entire dimension from another. The world is both vibrant and colorless, both light and dark, both shapeless and concrete. I feel as though I sink into my body, going further and further back into some darkness infinitely, and yet always contained in my body. I feel both within and detached from my physical being. The world, all existence, pulses with waves of energy.
I feel so separate from the world, and yet I feel closer than ever. I feel whole, yet I feel destined never to connect with another in the truly human way as I've ascended (yet sunken inside of myself) to spiritual transcendence. It's somewhat lonely and cold, yet I feel a warmth as though embracing and old friend with a powerful sense of nostalgia. I feel limitless sentimentality. I see my life fly by as though on a grand film, crossing and interweaving with countless others'. I'm an observer. No matter how much I wish to intervene, to take action, I float listlessly on the outside, in another state of consciousness, of being. All war, all conflict, seems menial and pointless. In this dimension, there is no good or bad, no positive or negative, no suffering or ambitions... All things simply exist. All things simply are.
A womanly figure made of spiritual essence embraces me with warm, open arms, kissing me and, in doing so, releases all that is tied to my mortality. All my worries, all my strife, all my struggles released. Everything flows freely into the ocean of time and space at once, each individual moment, though, actions, feeling a single drop in the infinite sea. My relationship to existence becomes like music. I am not hearing what is originating from one source to my being through direct transference, but by vibrations through the air that eventually reach me. I am exposed to all the universe, and yet it's only indirectly. I'm outside, but consumed.
This is but a vision of my eventual fate. As I die and decompose, I will become, once again, a part of the whole, giving and taking, creating and destroying. My spirit will float freely in a parallel existence, observing the entirety of the universe all at once and forever now, then, and to come. Up, down, forward, backward, side to side... None of these things exist, no Euclidean plane to pinpoint and exact. No, this is the quantum world, where past, present, and future, and all directions in time and space, exist in one place and everywhere at the same time, infinitely. This is the home I have forgotten. This is the home I will always return to...
