The Spectrum

I decided to make a spectrum depicting the different levels of moods I can be in. In the past, I typically wrote: very depressed ← depressed ← neutral → hypomanic → manic. This was exceptionally simple and lefts a few gaps. So... I made a new spectrum with one particularly special add in: very depressed ← depressed ← negative ← emotionally impressionable ← neutral → positive → emotionally impressionable → hypomanic → manic.

Everyone can be in a positive or negative mood. Usually, we aim for positive, and sometimes we achieve it. This spectrum, however, stretches from a central point to the extremes, not necessarily the 'base point.' I probably tend to lean more toward the negative part than the neutral or positive part, but I think that 'emotionally impressionable' is less extreme than 'negative' on the negative branch, whereas it can be more extreme than 'positive' on the positive branch. One example of being emotionally impressionable is having mood swings because of the things around you. For instance, sometimes my mood can be like clay, and every event in my day molds and morphs that clay into constantly fluctuating shapes. It's not always bad, it's not always good, but it has a consistently unstable behavior. Negative is more concrete, so that's the reason why I think that emotionally impressionable can be considered less extreme, but it's instability is also the reason why it's more extreme than the more solid positive.

For the last half year or so, I've had a great deal of being emotionally impressionable. I've identified it fairly well - almost immediately - but never quite found the right words to describe it... until now. Today... I went from crying at every little thing on Parenthood to laughing hysterically at Community to feeling like crap because of my fibro flare-up (that Tramadol simply isn't dealing with effectively.) I can't list all of the constant changes in my mood and behavior from this past day - there's just too many to remember! However, I do know that I slipped from the emotionally impressionable state to the hypomanic state. I had accelerated energy, accelerated mood, accelerated reactions, accelerated irritability... you get it - accelerated! That's hypomania.

Having this new spectrum now to identify all of my states... I could probably analyse my issues better. I can try to link the states to events or to specific behaviors (e.g. emotionally impressionable on the negative branch can cause sudden angry outbursts or quickly swing to the whimsical, careless, strange, and extroverted positive branch [though being on the positive branch doesn't always mean it's good, and the opposite with the negative branch.])

So, once again, hopefully this will help me better identify my different states to analyse and learn to cope and deal with each state as it comes along - after all, you can't simply ward off certain feelings with 'feeling repellant' or some sort of talisman of warding. They're inevitable, so instead of trying to expel these moods and feelings, I simply need to learn how to handle them. It'll be a long uphill battle, but it's a battle that needs to be fought.