This past week or so, I've been playing a game called Forge of Empires that combines aspects of Facebook's very own Castleville and the turn-based strategy game, Civilization. While I have to admit it's addictive - more so than either game, in my opinion - it's also helping me in one... rather unexpected aspect.
I've been climbing the ladder of global ranking in this game quite steadily, currently being ranked the 3,148th person out of over 35,000 people around the globe. I'm sure I was tied for last place not too long ago, and now I'm on top of over 31,800 people. I was quickly picked up by a guild leader who was quite charismatic and favored role-playing. For instance, he loves bestowing titles like 'Lord' and 'Sister,' using terms like 'the Brotherhood' to describe the guild, and imitating to a lesser degree some old-timey language. I normally avoid such charismatic people at all costs.
I also make it a point to never join guilds in games. Just like in the real world, I hate the crowdedness and expectations that come with being a part of a large group of people (in this case, only 20 others, but the guild is quickly growing, much to my dismay.) I also often have trouble showing any sort of Thespian side to me, even in the role-playing situation. In D&D, I mostly just talked and acted as I would in real life... granted, I can't actually shoot a bow, and I don't actually call killing a dozen kobalds a good day's work. Showing anything but stark, bland realism is difficult for me, particularly around a crowd of people I don't know too well. I also don't like taking responsibilities in games with other people, also much like real life, because I can't bear standing up to the expectations, even if only in my head, that come with those responsibilities.
Well, I'm breaking pretty much every aforementioned rule. I joined a guild, I'm beginning to show my Thespian side, even if just a tiny bit, and I'm taking on responsibilities within the guild (I'm now the Master of Industries, tasked with maintaining the trade system within the guild.) I have to admit that there was some anxiety behind the decision to step up and take on this role, as it's like a purely psychological agoraphobic situation. I feel like having these responsibilities creates a situation that is difficult to run away from if need be. I love being the loner in role-playing games with other people because then there are absolutely no strings attached. I can leave anytime and no one would care! But now... Now I'm the Master of Industries, having daily responsibilities?! Okay, calm down... Breathe...
I think that what is causing for this all to be possible for me is my... teacher's pet mentality that I've had for my whole life. Sure, I'm anxious to do almost anything that involves me an one or more other people, but I've always had a knack for being the teacher's pet. Sitting at the front (albeit, in middle school, my degrading vision had a part in that), raising my hand first to answer many questions, always checking things with the teachers and staff, and even hanging out with the teachers and staff! I was a teacher's pet! Now... I'm doing the same thing with the guild founder!
I'm a part of a very lazy guild... People are given instructions, and almost no one follows through, even despite threats from the guild founder of their possible removal from the guild. I, on the other hand, very actively communicate with the founder, do what he instructs, and even willingly help out! I'm finding the same dynamic here as I used to have in the classroom. The same dynamic that broke through and overrode my anxieties in order to prove myself better than all the other poor saps in the eyes of some authority figure. While I certainly could not go back into a classroom at the moment, no matter the previously overriding capabilities of this dynamic, because the anxieties would certainly win, and even though this is just an online game, I think it's a step in the right direction!
I'm being sociable in a public domain, I'm taking on responsibilities that I couldn't just run away from, my actions are fairly visible to the world (who play this game), and I'm being charismatic... I don't think I'd ever have imagined seeing myself doing these things in the past. Now... if I could only translate this to real-life situations...
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