The title is really just a de facto title for a concept that goes through my head from time to time. The stigma - at least my personal stigma - behind depression and mania are entirely different, despite being two (sometimes equal) aspects of the same illness - bipolar. Why is it so different, though?
Manic episodes, or even just hypo-manic episodes (which I have had plenty of, but haven't had full-blown manic episodes in a long time), are 'highs,' and often bring along positive attitudes, happiness, creativity, a rush of energy and ideas, a lacking need for sleep, and a feeling of invincibility in one way or another. Most of this sounds pretty kick-ass, right? I mean, who wouldn't want all of those things? So, I often say that I would love to be hypomanic all the time! Well... much of the time, at least.
Depressive episodes are hard on the sufferer and everyone around the sufferer. They don't say 'suffering from depression' for nothing. Depression is both emotional and physical, and is the very literal polar opposite of mania. Depression is a major low that brings about negative attitudes and views on life, sadness, (for me at least) stunted creativity and concentration, horrible lethargy, anxiety, irritability, lack of interest in things you're normally interested in, hopelessness, and vulnerability. It's obvious that no one would want these things. Did you know that depression is tremendously more difficult to treat than mania? Depression is incessant and just plain awful. The cyclical thoughts that often come from depression also have a tendency to drive a person deeper and deeper into their depression, meaning that not being able to break those cyclical thoughts essentially means having just that much more trouble getting out of the depressive episode.
When I'm manic (I'll just use 'manic,' even to cover hypo-mania), I'm perfectly fine about announcing it to the world. Mania is like a celebration to me that I want everyone to take part in. Depression, on the other hand, I'd prefer to hide from the world. When I'm depressed, I feel like it's a sign of weakness, even though it isn't. I have a lot of personal stigma for my own depression. I become afraid of talking about it to people I'm close to because of worries about what they'll think of me if they know I'm depressed. I become very guarded on the subject and may even try to convince others (if not myself) that I'm not depressed. I don't worry about this as much with people I'm not as close to because I don't worry quite as much about what they'll think if I tell them I'm depressed.
To be honest, I've probably gone through at least a short one or two day depression almost three or four times a month in the last year, as well as had some depressive or irritable undertones almost every day in the past year. I try my hardest, however, to hide this. I will actually take the tiny reserves of mental strength I have left and focus them on just hiding my depression. I probably stigmatise my own depression more than anyone I know. This stigmatising also causes me to shy away from asking for help with these issues, even from my own therapists and doctors! I have other personal stigmata for things more inadvertently related to my depression, such as the word 'therapist' (people might not notice, but I very strictly replace it with 'psychologist' because of the connotations I think might go with 'therapist.') This is nonsensical, of course, but the simplest definition of a mental illness is its nonsensical or contrary nature.
Our minds almost always, if not always, associate one thing with another, be it good, bad, or neutral. "Those kids' parents are wealthy, thus the children must be spoiled." "When I'm manic I feel good." "When I'm depressed I feel bad." When you boil those things down, they come down to, in our minds: wealthy = spoiled, manic = good, and depressed = bad. But things really aren't that simple. Those wealthy parents could actually be great parents who teach moderation, the mania can get out of control and be unhealthy, and the depression could be a healthy reaction to a serious life event that you just have to go through the motions of. Never take things at face value. That's probably the hardest life lesson I've ever come across that I still have a stunningly difficult time getting into this ol' noggin of mine.
I think I have a lot of time and therapy ahead before I can come to grips with this concept that I'm already quite conscious of - that I should not only take mania just as seriously as depression, but that I shouldn't attach extra stigma to depression just because of bad subconscious associations.
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