The Sunrise

I realised something today. It's taken a number of days with irritable mood swings, but I realised it. I screwed up with someone I really care about. She asked me about something that was extremely important to her, and through the shroud of my affective disarray, I said some of the wrong words. I didn't mean them to come off how they did, but I really couldn't blame her. Normally, I would try to come up with a poor excuse and then meekly avoid the subject from then on. While I did, at first, make a poor excuse, I stopped, thought for a moment, and said what I truly meant. I managed to at least balance things once again. When it comes to someone I really care about, I can at least try to fix my mistakes. Some cases are much harder than others, and different circumstances (regardless of how much I care about a person) can also change how difficult it is for me. However, now I've realised that I can.

Truly, I just want to lie on the couch and do nothing. I want to sleep the day away and perhaps even wallow in a dark cloud that was designed just for me. However, this realisation still made things better than without. I've been swinging like a pendulum to and fro these moods o' mine. But... while I'm getting nagged at for staying up far too late and waking up far too late... it doesn't stop me. When I see the room gradually grow brighter and brighter from almost total darkness, hear the birds begin to chirp and the world become alive... There's something magical about that. And I know that I won't be waking up to witness these things, and so go to sleep early enough, either. That makes my only viable avenue to stay up. Besides, what does it matter when I go to sleep and wake up so long as I sleep long enough? It's not like I'm sleeping for 12+ hours, or like I'm missing out on anything that I wouldn't still do. There are even some advantages - the house gets quiet, I get to talk to some people that I normally wouldn't be able to, and it's simply therapeutic.

I suppose that, while I was in the darkness, now my sun has begun to rise. It's really rather metaphorical, even...