Yesterday seemed to be somewhere near a miracle. My legs were decent enough that I actually went to the store and had no following pain. I have had very, very little pain pain even today. I'm just getting curious how long this will last. Last night I was doing something that always makes me feel like crap - doubting. I was doubting that I even have fibromyalgia even though is quite obvious that I do. I even still get those trickling feelings even without pain. When I was getting stable from my bipolar a few years back, I was doubting I had bipolar. That was stupid of me and I soon after decided to drop my meds cold turkey without telling anyone. That didn't end well. I couple years back I doubted again, and I felt like crap for that, too, even though I ended up rationalising that of course I have bipolar. When first researching borderline, my confidence in that wavered, too, and it made me feel like crap, but that each time only ended up reinforcing my theory of having BPD.

At one time or another, it's seemed like I've doubted something about myself - which shook my foundations and sense of self - and those have most often been due to doing well, not doing poorly, however paradoxical that may sound. It's like the better I do, the worse I end up (temporarily) feeling. But I usually more or less shrug it off and put on a smile (or a sarcastic expression, since that never goes away.) It seems like the only negative emotion that I don't bother covering up is anger which I tend to have plenty of (another classic characteristic of BPD.)